Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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