he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
