Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
