you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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