did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
