First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
