woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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