My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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