I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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