I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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