Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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