I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
