Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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