She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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