oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
How naked do you want me to be?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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