You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
