sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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