I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
