Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
