Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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