When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
