Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
