Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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