Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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