He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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