If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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