Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
