When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
