time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
