Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
