i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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