Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
