i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
