i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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