Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
