I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
