Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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