I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Randomize
