Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
