see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
