You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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