How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
