never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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