I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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