WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
They have beer where we have blood.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
