so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize