we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My dick has a subreddit
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
