I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
This show inspires me to have sex in space
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Rumble strips road head = magical
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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