She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize