I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
