I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
