she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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