from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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