Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
