but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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