I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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