Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
