This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
