i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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