i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
