I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
