can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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