I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
