There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize