I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My penis needs a shock collar
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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