Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
