His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
