Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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