I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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