were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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