you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
