I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
