My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Randomize
