Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
