he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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