soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
