Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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