Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
