If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize