All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
