speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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