Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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