Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
