I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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