So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
