Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
