Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize