I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
