I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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