Got a toothbrush?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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