There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
