I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
