Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
