I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
