apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
