hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
