No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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