Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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